Mental exhaustion

I admit it…I’m in a foul mood but I’m doing a real good job at hiding it. But maybe it’s not a foul mood. I think it might be mental exhaustion from the 3 day working week that just finished, in which I feel like I did 2 weeks worth of work within those 3 days – and I still didn’t finish everything. I always finish everything. I am an ultra-organised perfectionist who works hard. I’ve never worked in a job whereby I haven’t finished everything I needed to. I know how to prioritise and delegate. It’s just, you need to have people to delegate too, and you need to have 5 minutes in order to reassess those priorities.

I remembered this morning that I forgot to have breakfast yesterday. I keep sachets of microwave porridge in my desk draw at work. I had intended to eat it whilst my PC was booting up at work. I didn’t do it. And I didn’t even realise I was hungry until someone told me how pale I was. It was about 2.00pm by the time I ate, and the shakes had set in. But I was still beavering away, trying to meet the end of month deadline – close of business Friday 29 April.

I walked out of work at 6.15pm last night just wanting to cry. I don’t like submitting sub-standard work, but until we get more staff, I need to come to terms with the fact that this needs to be done. At least I’m not alone as my team mate did the same. We ere the only ones left on our respective floors of the office – and we were pissed off.

Ah – writing this has made me feel slightly better. I needed a little rant.

Nighty night!


The stress of starting a new job

I recently started a new job. Time has blurred as the days have been long, the work has been ‘different’ and the people have been interesting. I compute that I have been there just on 5 weeks. I’ve read somewhere before that the first 6 months in a new job is one of the most stressful times in people’s lives. I can back up that by saying it’s certainly been a bumpy ride so far.

That’s why I thought I would – with all of my strength – try to come up with a list of what I am appreciative of in this new endeavour.

  • They have coffee machines on every floor that froth milk and automatically make your desired style of coffee (limited to a choice of about 4).

I’ve never had this luxury. Working in the city for 10 years I’d become one of the masses and developed the expensive habit of buying a coffee every day – it was my comfort thing. It used to make my day – I loved going to the coffee shop every day, and when getting to the front of the line, being asked how my day was and being handed my coffee before everyone else. They knew me and they knew just how I liked my coffee. They were also so god damn efficient! I miss that and the smiles.

Now I have a different type of efficiency – a machine that spits out my coffee – almost the way I like it. Plus I now don’t have to pay $4 per cup for it. I actually can’t pay $4 a day unless I stop by a drive-through coffee joint on the way to work (I no longer work in the city). The coffee machines are turning out to be GREAT for my purse strings but bad for my developing reliance on coffee.

  • I no longer work within walking distance of shops that sell clothes, make-up, shoes, dvd’s, cd’s, books, groceries…the list goes on.

There is a corner deli. That’s about it. No temptations. No ‘just ducking out to pick up some toilet paper and soap for home’ and coming back with a new suit. Nothing like that. I can drive about 7 minutes and end up at an old shopping mall – but the choice is just not there, nor is the quality. I may have become a snob? No. I just finally started investing in some decent quality clothes before I left my previous job – so going back to clothes that fall apart after a couple of washes is hard to do. Once again, it’s turning out to be GREAT for my purse strings!

  • I get to drive to and from work by myself.

For something like 5 years Denis and I drove to and from work together. Towards the end, Denis was stressing me out every day as he would get stressed out on the road, and he had developed a bit of a road rage problem – along with everyone else.

I now drive myself to and from work – which is weird! I can listen to whatever I like on the stereo, I can have the air con on as high or low as I want, and I get to work on time, arriving pretty stress free. The unforeseen bonus of this has been that Denis tells me he has been arriving at work less stressed. Hmmmm. One could read many things into that.

For years I avoided it like the plague, and when you work in project management, that is an awesome feat. Don’t get me wrong – I have used it. Its just that I find it annoying, cumbersome and ugly, and I see no point to it other than as another reporting tool that – in more cases than one – is used to display incorrect information in the name of adhering to ‘governance’ requirements.

So, I now need to deal with my nemesis. And really – it’s nowhere near as bad as I had thought.

  • I am also being forced to deal with numbers and finances.

I loathe numbers more than I loathe Microsoft Project and mushrooms. I truly struggle with them. I AM a words person. Its like there is something in my brain that forms a roadblocks every time it is confronted with a spreadsheet full of numbers and formulas.

I now have to deal with the hatred – or I could go as far as calling it a fear, for I have felt sick and stressed out all week due to the thought of having to deal with financial models involving millions of dollars.

I’m now trying to not become so anxious every time I open up a god damn spreadsheet. I actually felt relieved this morning when some concerns I had were validated. I was actually on the right track! So, on Monday morning I will tackle my fear in an attempt to overcome my issues with numbers once and for all.


Image via Wikipedia

  • I learnt this week that I have become stronger.

I had a confrontation with a colleague this week – yes, in week 5, of which I could have just sat there and took, being the new employee, passive and reluctant to get involved and speak up, wanting everyone to like me and to make a name for myself. But I opened my mouth and challenged what my colleague and I were being told to do.

I did succeed in making a name for myself. A few of my work colleagues have now started referring to me – ‘lovingly’ – as the troll who lives under the bridge. I sit just outside their office, so I take it I’m now their guardian who scares people away and prevents them from entering their office? Once upon a time I would have been upset at being called a troll. I now quite like it and joke that I’m going to start doing my hair in the style of those little troll dolls that used to be so popular!

A Sense of Calmness

Water side

There is something therapeutic about sitting by the water.

As I sit here by the river, I close my eyes and feel the breeze kissing my skin and playing with my hair. It feels as if it flows through my body, blowing away the cobwebs and the built-up tension, injecting my body with some much-needed oxygen.

As I watch the ripples as the breeze travels across the water, I am entranced by the light and shade created by the sunlight and shadows that hit the water. Combine this with the contrast of the clear blue sky and the jagged, jutting branches of the trees that stick out over the water, I marvel at the beauty of nature and take it all in.

I am pleasantly surprised by a bird that seems to materialise before my eyes out of the water. A sense of calmness washes over me.

The water-side – be it the beach, the river, a pond, or a pool – is my special place. It is the place I go to for stress-relief. Relaxation. To cope. And if I can’t get there in person, I go there in my mind.

What is your special place?

Do you have one?

If you don’t have one, think of a place that you have been to that brings about a sense of calmness. The next time you are feeling stressed, mad or upset, try and go there either in person, and just tune into the elements. If you can’t get there, try closing your eyes and visualising it. It is amazing what the power of visualisation can do – it’s almost as good as the real thing!

That Light at the End of the Tunnel

OMG it’s like Christmas or the last day of school. I woke up so many times last night, had night sweats, and then woke up early with butterflies in my stomach and this feeling on excitement, anticipation and nervousness of what the day ahead will hold.

Then I sat there playing with the dog, and staring at my partner willing him to wake up, to only freak him out when he opened his eyes and saw me staring at him wide-eyed. I guess it was a kind of psycho moment…

Today is my last day in my job, that for those that know me personally has been – what can I say politely – ‘challenging’. To cut a long story short I finally summonsed the courage to resign, after finding a new job.

Which brings me to now. I can imagine this afternoon, walking out of those doors, the feeling of relief. The way I’m feeling now, I predict the following. I’m either going to cry my heart out tonight – not badly, just as a form of release I would imagine, or I’m going to collapse (my throat is already feeling funky so the inevitable release of stress in the form of illness, as my body tends to do, is probably on its way). But, I don’t mind, as I can finally see that light at the end of the tunnel, and I have never felt so relieved.


New Beginnings