I experienced something new at work today. I got random drug and alcohol tested! WOOH!
I should explain. I work on a ‘dry site’, which basically means there is a zero tolerance policy – no drugs or alcohol (so gone are the lunch time drinkies noooooo). If you get caught with anything in your system you are out of there. And they do test for it – I was warned that much when I started the job.
So today, after dodging calls on my work phone from an anonymous number, I finally answered it and received my summons to the ground floor ladies toilets and the drug testers, who sounded rather gruff. When I got their they were actually really friendly. There sat the Drug Testers – 2 older ladies gas-bagging about the long weekend and how everyone must still be on leave as they were having trouble getting hold of people to test (hmmm maybe they were avoiding picking up their phones?).
After the initial question and answer session which went something like this:
Drug Tester 1: Have you taken drugs in the last 10-14 days?
Me: What do you mean by drugs?
Drug Tester 1: Drugs.
Me: Do you mean, like, Panadol or Nurofen?
Drug Tester 1: Which one did you take?
Me: Um I think Panadol (What if I’m wrong – oh no!)? Do you count alcohol as a drug?
Drug Tester 2: No, unless you were drinking up until 7am this morning?
Me: Ah…no! (Why did I feel like I was lying when I wasn’t?).
– came the breath test for alcohol, of which I can proudly say that I blew 0.000%. But that was the easy bit, as what followed could have been traumatic.
As Drug Tester 1 escorted me into the ladies, I was instructed to put on some latex gloves (there was something awfully strange about snapping them on my hands in preparation for a drug test), handed a cup and lead into a cubicle. It was hear that I almost experienced a heart attack as I was struck by a thought:
Me: Was she going to stand over me and watch me pee into a cup?
It turned out I wasn’t just thinking this, as the words somehow escaped my mouth.
Drug Tester 1: No dear. You can close the door. Just don’t flush, and pee up to the line on the cup. I’ll be right outside the door.
Okay…nothing like pressure and deathly silence, to get you to perform.
After a few minutes, and a whole load of nothing, I had to ask the question:
Me: What happens if I can’t go?
Drug Tester 1: I’ll turn on the tap. Sometimes running water helps.
And help it did! It’s amazing how the mind messes with your bodily functions.
So I passed my specimen cup to the Drug Tester and she preceded to compare the sample to a colour chart. I can proudly say that I passed the drug test, and no further testing was required…until next time. At least I now know what will get me to perform!